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The comedy corner

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Revelator, Oct 7, 2022.

  1. Revelator

    Revelator Big Dog

    I figured this would be a good spot to post up a thread to clown on myself for stupid mistakes I've made.
    There will be a couple common denominators here... one, I made green as grass mistakes, and two, 9 times outta 10 it involved a Ratliff dog. Just is what it is. We started out making frequent business deals, to then becoming like a member of the family.
    So this first story revolves around a dog named Ch Ozone. I think he was the one we paid the most for, at either $4k or $4.5k To hear Tom tell it, we had just bought the baddest 37lb dog in the country. Not saying he was, not saying he wasn't, but you dang sure don't see anything about him anywhere on the net today.
    Anyways, we were moving my buddy's mother-in-law from Florida to Michigan, so we detoured and made a stop there around Sanford to see Tommy and the fam. He hypes all up on this Ozone dog, so we can't wait to load up and get home.
    After driving straight through, and surving on Mt Dew, coffee and a bottle of no doz(I literally ate the whole bottle, but that is a story all on it's own!) It was like 4am when we got to the house, and we didn't have an open chain readily available. So, we emptied the Uhaul and left him in there with a bowl of water, and a moving box laid out flat for him to have a little cushioning to sleep on.
    Woke up bright and early, went right out there to let him out. Rolled up the door and he was stiff as a board! Somehow over a 5 hour period this lil muthafluffa died! We could see where he had been chewing on that cardboard box. Told Ratliff about our situation and he made me take a razor blade and cut through his windpipe. Low and behold we find it packed full of cardboard! He ate that shit, choked and died before ever getting out the truck. And just like that, Ozone was no more!

    I have more stories of folly to share
    Michele likes this.
  2. bamaman

    bamaman GRCH Dog

    Oh yea it happens .I know a guy put a towel in a crate for the dog to lay on and he ate the whole dam thing. Died . I've heard other stories very similar.
  3. slim12

    slim12 Super Moderator Staff Member

    As much as I love these dogs and as smart as I often claim one to be, they are all pretty much stupid. They will do the dumbest shit when given the opportunity.

    I have one out back right now that as long as the cotton rope is hanging out of the tree on a garage door spring, he is the easiest of keepers. He stays on that thing as long as he is awake.

    But if it breaks or spins around to the other side of the tree and he can't get to it. There is nothing he will not chew and eat. From rocks, to sticks to pinecones, to the house, to anything. I have as much invested in mineral oil for this dog as I do dog food.
    The remnants of hurricane Ian came thru last week (thoughts and prayer to those in the affected areas in Florida) in the pouring rain and wind he is hanging on the rope just having a big time. In the summer it hangs and fights it til he passes out. Lays motionless for a few minutes to the point I have often went for the shovel. As soon as he wobbles to his feet, he is back on the rope again.

    I have seen rocks as big as the turds themselves when he dumps. He has had sticks that I just say, "Whoa, I bet that hurt".

    And I heard a similar story about a Ratliff dog way back when from the Tom's buddy who had Lefty, the Nile crocodile, the king cobra and the eastern brown. You have to be crazy to want these dogs but Tom and some of his friends pushed the envelope. (No offense)

    I think these stories happen to most everyone to some degree at some point. Most just keep it to themselves. I am glad to hear it is not just me.

    Revelator likes this.
  4. ben brockton

    ben brockton CH Dog

    My damn mut locked me out my truck last month. Stopped for fule looked up and seen her rolling up the window. Tried to open the door and the little bitch somehow hit the auto lock. Fucking dog climb up to the top bunk and ate a package of hot dog buns. 3 hours and 400$ to get a locksmith out to me. I couldn't really get mad because I figured she must have really wanted them lol
    patjr, Michele and Revelator like this.
  5. Revelator

    Revelator Big Dog

    I had a pretty little chocolate bitch from Tom, she had been started but never matched yet. She was a picture perfect beauty, small, if in keep, she probably would've been 27, 28 lbs. I liked her so much, we kept her in the house, but every time this crazy bitch would see her reflection in the over, she would go bananas! Not just barking, but mkre like stark raving mad, trying to hit her reflection. I was afraid she was going to shatter the door of the oven.
    Well, one day we had to run somewhere and I didn't want her loose in the house, worried she might go nuts on the oven. So we put her in the bathroom with food and water, I figured her mess would be easy enough to clean up on the tile floor. When we got home, I go to let her out and it looks like a murder scene. Blood everywhere, and not just a little bit, it look like a hog had been butchered in there. I see her laying in the corner, barely breathing. I see what happened... she must've jumped up on the sink and saw her reflection in the medicine cabinet mirror and went to work on it. She had actually eaten the glass. We rushed her to a vet we had, and he told us she actually ingested the glass and it had lacerated her insides and there was no saving her. Broke my heart, not only was she one of the prettiest I'd ever seen, but we had BIG hopes for her. I can't remember how she was bred, but she was Ratliff, so I'm sure something down from Butkus, Lefty, Daisy-Mae.
    Ssdd likes this.
  6. Revelator

    Revelator Big Dog

    Lmfao! That is fantastic!
  7. Revelator

    Revelator Big Dog

    Damn I see lots of typos in my stuff, sorry, I fat finger it on these phone keyboards all the time.
  8. bamaman

    bamaman GRCH Dog

    Lol I got a little female that my younger sister likes to take on trips and she locked her out of her car somewhere at a gas station in Georgia last week lol.She was able to coax her into unlocking it .
    patjr, david63 and Revelator like this.
  9. Ssdd

    Ssdd Top Dog

    My dogs brother has scratched into the oven door reflection more than once. I'll send u his ped lol.
    patjr likes this.

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