Went to see my doctor today.... Not good :-(

I love this Doctor!

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?



A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.







Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?



A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!







Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?



A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.







Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?



A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!







Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?



A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?







Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?



A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.







Q: Is chocolate bad for me?



A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!







Q: Is swimming good for your figure?



A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..







Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?



A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!



Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.







And remember:







Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"







AND.....







For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.







1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.







2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.







3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.







4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..







5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.







CONCLUSION:



Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

 

Talk about food for thought!....

 

LMMFAO ahahaha good shit im lovin this

 

Her's one for you, I saw it on FB.
If you purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today! If you purchased $1000 of shares in AIG, you would have $33.00. If you purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers, you would have $0.00 today. But if you purchased $1000 worth of beer, drank all the beer, turned in the aluminum cans for recycling, you would have $214.00. Therefore the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.

 

LMAo i did that one for years and now i do it with sodas LOL good shit keep em comin

 

This made my day!! still lmao

 

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?



A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Lmfao