More questions than usual on opening day for NBA

San Francisco, CA -- If you needed a reminder that the NBA is still the NBA, only more so, you would have found it recently in the small-print NBA notes, an item about the Cleveland Cavaliers giving a tryout to Jayson Williams, who is retired and attempting a comeback.

Although Williams was acquitted of manslaughter charges in the shotgun death of his chauffeur, it's pretty much agreed that had he never hooked up with Williams, the chauffeur probably would be a lot healthier today.

Now, Williams stands accused of the shotgun assassination of his Rottweiler "Zeus" because the pooch caused Jayson to lose a $100 bet. Williams allegedly pointed the gun at the man who won the bet and told him to clean up the dead-dog mess "or you're next."

If Williams makes the Cavs, will he be put in charge of rookie hazing? Will he utter the five most-feared words in the NBA —"Team party at my place"? Can Jayson stop shooting himself in the foot? Will LeBron James serve as a stabilizing influence on Williams?

Those are some of the burning questions of the upcoming NBA season. A few others:

# Is this the last season American players will play in the NBA?

Foreign players have made a huge impact on the NBA in recent years. Foreign-player stock went up at the Olympics, where the U.S. dunkmeisters were humiliated by sharpshooting, sharp-passing, team-concept nobodies from Lower Nowherevia.

The Spurs start four foreign-born players. So does Utah. At least 14 of the 30 teams start a foreign-born center.

Scouts and execs have to be asking themselves, Why bother with American players? Except for the TrailBlazers, who do their scouting by watching "America's Most Wanted."

Incidentally, the NBA has informed the Charlotte Bobcats that Primoz Brezec cannot be sold without a prescription.

# When will Kobe explode?

Bryant's legal problems and the parting shots taken at him by ex-coach Phil Jackson and ex-center Shaq O'Neal have only strengthened Kobe's, shall we say, sense of self.

How long before Kobe demands his own plane, refusing to ride the cattle-car charter jet with his teammates, who snore and hog the best ice cream?

# Where do the Portland TrailBlazers find these guys?

First the 'Blazers, as stable as Mount St. Helens, pick up Nick Van Aggravation. Then they draft Qyntel Woods, a JC kid who has been in drug rehab and who, when pulled over by a cop and asked to produce an ID, pulled out a Qyntel Woods bubblegum card.

Woods is on suspension while police investigate charges that he abandoned his pit bull "Hollywood" because she refused to fight.

# Will someone please open an obedience school for NBA players' dogs?

# How did the Blazers let the Cavs beat them to Jayson Williams?

# Allen Iverson?

AI is always the question. Makes you wonder why they call him the Answer. Maybe it's like calling a fat guy Slim.

# Will Jeff Van Gundy explode?

Of all the tightly-wound, oblivious-to-reality coaches in the league, JV might be No. 1. Among coaches who let their guys run and play freely, Van Gundy is No. 30.

His Rockets played in China, it was Yao Ming's homecoming, and Van Gundy set the big guy on the bench for most of the second half. The Rockets played in Orlando and new Rocket Tracy McGrady (ex-Orlando) was hot for revenge against his old team, and the fans were howling for McGrady. So Van Gundy sat McGrady the whole game.

"I had a high going," McGrady said. "He ruined my high."

Wouldn't it be more fun if Van Buzzkill coached the TrailBlazers?

# Has 'Melo invented the league's hot new defense?

Carmelo Anthony, caught with pot in his backpack at the airport, claimed it was left there accidentally by a friend who borrowed the pack. Turns out the friend is a member of 'Melo's posse who is in charge of arranging parties, and the guy was more than willing to sign an affidavit accepting the blame.

Now every NBA star will want to add a guy to his entourage who, in NBA parlance, is willing to take the charge.

# Can anyone fly higher than Kobe?

Gary Payton, who melded so seamlessly into the Lakers' chemistry last year, started his stint with the Celtics by refusing to report to training camp until the team chartered him a Gulfstream IV for the flight.

# Will Vince Carter, sued by his ex-agent for breach of contract, plead not guilty by reason of Vinsanity?

 

Pretty Cool

 

Very nice insight Marty. I thought it was "just desserts" when they were put in their place during the Olympics.

humbled, brought down to size, made to eat crow.


The mighty millionaire NBA superstars sent back home soundly whipped by a bunch of nobodies.(who played as a team)

I couldn't believe that more was not made of it.


Pit Stop

 

Marty strikes again, good one!