Top 14 Super Powers Coveted By Dogs

14. Invisibath -- The power to disappear at the first sound of
bath water

13. ViseHump -- The leg hump grip of steel

12. AquaField -- Immunity to bucket of cold water when
copulating in driveway

11. Skeetvision-- The ability to shoot laser beams from your
eyes to blast that damn Frisbee out of the sky

10. SuperBladder -- Loaded with Toxi-Urine -- One lift of the
leg and this town is mine!

9. SquirrelFreeze

8. AnalTelepathy/ButtSniffery -- Two powers which when
combined allow one to smell another dog's butt without
actually having to get up and move around.

7. John-O-Matic -- Turns any toilet bowl into a punch bowl by
sheer force of will.

6. ChuckSpeed -- Ability to catch that friggin' Wagon Train.

5. Anti-Psych-Out -- Immunity to all that "fake throw"
nonsense.

4. VacuCalm -- Utter self-control whenever the vacuum cleaner
is turned on.

3. GucciTract -- An invincible digestive system that sustains
itself entirely on designer shoes.

2. King Fido's Touch -- Everything you touch turns into crap

And the #1 Super Power Most Coveted by Dogs...

1. DoberMorph -- Ability to change into a Doberman anytime
someone rolls up a newspaper.